For the last 5 days I’ve been battling the most heinous bout of flu in the history of ever.  Though I’d been plied late last year with a flu shot, it was no match for the narcolepsy inducing, fever spiking, hit with a car aching, no appetite having, and weird dream causing Influenza A. Top that all off with a particularly nasty dog bite last night, which has rendered me a one handed typist this morning, and you have my life since Wednesday.

That being said, as I’ve drifted in and out of consciousness, I’ve been fantasizing about burgers.

I don’t know about you, but short of barbecue, a good, sloppy burger is quintessential to a proper Texan’s diet. However, I must confess though that finding a great burger these days is not unlike trying to find someone who hasn’t heard of Octomom. Some of the best burgers in Texas come and go so quickly that more than likely you never had the opportunity to experience one. For example, for a very brief time in 2006, Sons of  Hermann Hall was serving up hot, thick, hand-cut fries and glorious, sloppy burgers so juicy that every bite meant cleaning up your elbows and ears. Sadly, they vanished from the bar menu, leaving me and the hubby devastated and empty.

Everyone has their ideal burger. Some folks prefer a thin patty and others, like me, want for a thick, loosely packed wad of cow shoved between the confines of a buttered and griddled bun. Arguing over the better burger is pointless, but that being said, here’s my list of the 5 Best Burgers in Texas and tomorrow? My list of the 5 Most Overrated Burgers in Texas. Wanna argue? Leave it in the comments.

5 Best Burgers in Texas

Herd’s Burgers
Jacksboro, Texas
Many years ago, my step-mom was kind enough to hip me to Herd’s while I was out in Joplin, Texas. Located on the side of, this will get confusing, TX 199/TX 114/TX 148/US 281, Herd’s is a tiny, stone building just inside Jacksboro. Dim inside and in operation for almost 100 years, its my kind of cash-only, burgers only dive. Gooey with melted cheese goodness, the mouth watering burgers served up here demand your complete concentration. I always order a triple, because this is one thin patty I just can’t resist. Don’t worry when your burger is handed over in a paper bag. They don’t want you to leave, its just how the last three generations of Herd’s like it done. If its a pretty day, enjoy your perfectly packaged bovine masterpiece outside on one of the picnic tables out front. Repeating Myself: Cash only, burgers only.

Mel’s Country Café
Tomball, Texas
Starve yourself for approximately 3 to 4 days and order a double cheeseburger at Mel’s. First off, napkin use alone with this glorious burger has more than likely caused several cases of massive deforestation. And unless you can palm a basketball, forget eating this thing daintily with one hand. This is a burger that requires massive amounts of manhandling. Greasy in all the right ways, Mel’s burger is a chunk of well-seasoned meat with enough wow factor to strike fear in the heart of even the bravest of cows. Bonus Points: They have a Meat Only Menu and you are welcomed to stick a clothespin on your aorta with the Mega Mel Burger.

105 Grocery & Deli
Washington, Texas
I must tip my hat to the Houston Press’ Robb Walshfor this one. Though I’m a backroads girl at heart, I would have never noticed the poorly marked 105 Grocery on Highway 105 without his help. Sadly, Mr. Walsh couldn’t finish his burger, wimp, but I finished mine.*** These burgers should not only be considered one of the best in Texas, it should be called the biggest in the state as well. Though I can only wildly guess, the average burger here weighs in at a massive 1 lb. and between its beautifully flat-grilled buns awaits enough cheese to clog your arteries and a healthy amount of veggies to take the edge of any diet guilt you might have. Cows should fear this burger. Word to the Wise: CALL AHEAD
***Special Apology: Mr. Walsh accidentally ordered a double and I’d forgotten that from the article. A double only a professional competitive eater could polish off. I also said that Mr. Walsh worked for the Chronicle. He does not. He works for the Houston Press. I should probably just stick to interviewing animals for Pet of the Week and leave the food writing to the professionals.

Ye Ole Butcher Shop
Plano, Texas
Jeff Sparks will hook you up – your choice, beef or buffalo – if you’re looking for a wrist-licking burger. A medium sized burger, Jeff also griddles the soft, pillowy buns, too. These burgers are not for the faint of heart. Greasy, if you didn’t punk out and order the buffalo, moist and alluring, this is my new Kinkaid’s. Be sure to spend some time in the meat market as well, a real meat market is hard to come by these days. From whole hogs to deer processing, this is a carnivore’s dream. PETA beware. Special Note: Share an order of fries unless you think you’re capable of polishing off half an acre of Idaho’s best on your own.

BoonDock’s Bar & Grill
Amarillo, Texas
Though BoonDock’s looks scary on the outside, swallow your fear, stroll past the bikers, grab a table, order a cold Shiner Bock and experience Cheeseburger Porn at its finest. It must be said that a BoonDock’s single-patty burger requires the slaughter of a minimum of 3.4 cows. Don’t man up and order a double unless you are a professional eater, just sayin’. This greasy goddess, piled high with cheese, is seductive. You’ll not only be licking your wrists, you’ll be licking your elbows, too. Served up with skin-on, handcut fries, the BoonDock’s burger is worth a drive to Amarillo on its own. Take Note: Do not wear nice clothes here, people. Unless you enjoy scrubbing hamburger grease out of your shirt and jeans.

Tomorrow: Controversy continues with the 5 Most Overrated Burgers in Texas.