Comedian Dave Little is the newest edition to the team here at Best of Texas. As one of the funniest guys around, he’ll pop on a couple of times a month to let us know what’s going through that brain of his. Here’s Dave’s second post for us. Enjoy…
I have a “giving thanks” rating system that is skewered and unbalanced and doesn’t make sense. There are no points given. I understand that it doesn’t get me in or keep me out of heaven. But I do it religiously every day, much like brushing my teeth or checking my oldest son’s Facebook status to see if he’s been drinking. And before you judge me as an unfit parent, please know that I only do it because he doesn’t keep a diary.
I like to give thanks every day. Not uncommon. Many people do it. I wasn’t brought up in the church because my mom didn’t like to wear hats, but that hasn’t kept me from believing there is something bigger than all of us out or up there, somewhere. So instead of sacrificing a goat in the backyard or going to the trouble to build an alter on which to place a virgin, I just take a minute to express my gratitude. I do it out loud. I do it in my head. It’s easy. Much easier than trying to find a virgin.
The key to my system is getting it out first thing in the morning. Sometimes Iwill open my eyes, take a deep breath, get out of bed, take a few steps and say “Thanks.” And it’s done. I’m ready to get on with my day. Other times, I will open my eyes, take a deep breath, get out of bed, trip on the 15 pillows my wife keeps on the bed that I have to throw off at night to make space so I can lay down, scream a few curse words, then say “Thanks.” Followed by “Sorry.” And “Go back to sleep, kids.” Like I said, my system is flawed and is still in the beta stage. I don’t know if it will ever launch or be bug-free.
But life is hectic. Sometimes it’s hustle, sometimes it’s bustle. My mind wanders. And then I’m halfway through my day before I remember that I haven’t given thanks. But I don’t panic. That would be counter-productive. I consider closing my eyes and taking a deep breath to reflect and gain inspiration, but realize that I am driving, so I only take a deep breath. Then I let it out. I continue this pattern until I am safely parked in my driveway. Home. I look through the windshield and suddenly I have it, right in front of me. I smile, close my eyes and give thanks that I wasn’t stopped by the police because I have an expired inspection sticker.
Dave Little is a Dallas-based stand-up comedian, writer, musician and actor. He’s funny for Best of Texas twice a month, but he’s funny all the time on his website www.lovedavelittle.com.