Mrs. Marcos would be far too formal for as much as we’ve shared. By all means, just call me Imelda. Would you like some coffee? No, fine. Just allow me to pour myself a cup, you don’t mind that I’m lounging in a robe, do you? Thanks. Ah, perfect, now that I have my coffee, let me tell you a little story about a wild, gray haired gal with a closely guarded but deep seated shoe fetish and what happens when you turn her loose at DSW.

dsw-01Oh, you don’t have time for a story? Neither do I. I left this freaking hotel at the crack of dawn and didn’t return until midnight last night. I’m freakin tired. So, here are the highlights:

We ate breakfast. Me and Jason? We’re totally twinsies now: scrambled eggs, wheat toast, taters, coffee. He just doesn’t have my nasty cigarette habit.

Jason, me, Beatriz, The Earring Lady, and Todd storm Union Square’s DSW’s entrance. I mean we STORMED that mutha. In fact, we stormed it 576 THOUSAND times before we got the right shot of me prancing my pert little butt in there.

Then we stormed that DSW escalator. Gratefully, we did this in one take.

Next, Jason, me, Beatriz, The Earring Lady, Todd and, now, someone named Valencia, storm the DSW store. I mean we STORMED that mutha. In fact, we stormed it 576 BILLIONTY times before we got the right shot of me frothing at the mouth to get in there.

Before we go any further, allow me to introduce to you our cast of characters for the day:

Jason – you met him yesterday. Trusty sidekick. Shoulder to cry upon. Quick to call me many variations of Peach, including, but not limited to: Peach, Peaches and Peach Pot. Jason has the unfortunate task of lugging around a 600 pound camera to film me. In addition to his aforementioned duties, he is also a producer. I heart Jason. I heart Jason hard. He’s with me morning, noon and night.

Beatriz – Director. Cute as a bug. My height. Her job requires her to ask me mean questions such as: Why are you crying? Do those _______ make you feel pretty/sexy/ like a fly mutha-bleeper? Though I call Bea, The Mean Lady, Read more