Good morning, Texas! That picture is the view from my room at 6 a.m. Texas time, as you can see, this morning is cloudy and cold, we’re also expecting rain. Monday is here and today the horrors of the 360 mirror are upon me. In just a few scant hours I’ll be whisked away to have my wardrobe trashed, with great aplomb I’m sure, I’ll be fitted by the Bra Guru, and shall spend my day in a brand new What Not to Wear Studio.

But of, friends, lets talk about yesterday’s little Newark airport adventure, shall we? After landing in lovely Newark, New Jersey, I found my way to baggage claim, snagged my near empty suitcase and found my way outdoors for two pressing reasons:

A.) I needed a cigarette or seven after spending an ungodly flight sitting in front of three women. Women with voices that could only be described as Edith Bunker. Make that Edith with strep throat and a Georgia accent. They felt it was not only important to talk as loudly as they could, they also felt it was their responsibility to describe everything that was happening on the plane. “Oh! That baby is crying. That baby is upset. Can you hear that baby crying?” Other greatest hits included, “Oh! Do you hear that little dog? That little dog is barking! Oh that dog is upset.” which was often followed by, “Oh! The stewardess is coming with drinks! I see the cart. Oh the stewardess is here! Dear, may I have a Blind Mary? I just love Blind Marys.” One can only assume she meant Bloody Mary. Read more