Texas®

I would like to be able to tell each and every one of you that I will always tell the truth and do the right thing in every situation. As I look you in the eye. With my hand placed on the Bible. I know some folks like to swear on a stack of Bibles, but I don’t think that quantity really matters in this case. I’m a “less is more” kind of a guy. And I couldn’t swear on my parent’s graves, because they’re both still living. I’m drifting from my point. That happens quite a bit. But if we were meant to to focus all the time, we wouldn’t have peripheral vision, right?

I have never been comfortable answering a “What if…?” question. They seem like a waste of time. Because the answer I give today probably won’t be the way I react tomorrow. I am very brave on my couch after a few glasses of wine. In fact, I am a superhero. And I say that because I usually wear a cape and a utility belt when I’m in the privacy of my own home. But I honestly don’t know what I would do if someone did harm to my kids or a tornado was seconds away from my house or if I witnessed something morally wrong. And I don’t think that makes me a coward. I think it makes me human. I celebrate my flaws. It is my imperfections that keep me going.

Having said all of that, it is going to be semi-embarrassing to admit that I am not always in the moment. If I see a crack in my house, I wonder how in the hell I am going to pay for a new foundation. If my foot is numb in the morning when I wake up, I curse my luck that I have come down with a bad case of muscular dystrophy. And if a friend doesn’t text me back within five seconds of of me sending him a text, I am replaying every conversation we’ve ever had to figure out where our friendship went south and soured. That is simply crazy. Human. Nuts. Yeah.

Knowing that you don’t have it all together is the first step. At least it was for me. There is really no way to study for a test on hypotheticals. Because there is no right answer. And once it becomes a reality, it’s no longer a hypothetical. And then you’ll react. And at that moment you’ll know exactly what you would do when faced with a “What If…?”

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Dave Little is a Dallas-based stand-up comedian, writer, musician and actor. He’s funny for Best of Texas twice a month, but he’s funny all the time on his website www.lovedavelittle.com.

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