Texas®

 

A man has to know his limitations. So does a woman. Adults, that is. Kids should make mistakes and test their limits all the time. Your kids. My kids need to listen to their mom and dad. And their grandma. Because I still have to. I am lucky that both of my parents are still around. And live close. Not down-the-street close. As great as that sounds, I am fairly certain it would be uncomfortable at best and unbearable at worst. I consider myself a good son because I know that older people don’t like surprises. Like unannounced visits from their kids. A man should know his limitations.

A man needs to temper his expectations. I’m going to pass on declaring what a woman should expect. I don’t know. I do my best trying to remain poker faced when I talk to my wife. I don’t wanna give away my hand. Maybe she’ll call my bluff and I’ll have to go to the pot luck supper followed by charades and ice cream given by one of her co-workers. Better to have never gone to a party than to go and have to go again, to paraphrase William Shakespeare. I’m hoping no one knows what “paraphrase” means. A man has to temper his expectations.

A man needs to honor his obligations, I’m positive my wife agrees with me on that. Do what you say and say what you do. That’s not quite as catchy as “Take All You Want But Eat All You Take,” which is my favorite buffet jingle. That phrase is probably responsible for most America being a tad obese. No one wants to be yelled at by the co-assistant day manager at the Golden Corral for leaving a half of a potsticker on their plate. And as I get older, I follow instructions less and less. Tell me to do something and it will never get done. Ask me to do something and I will more than likely think about doing it.  But all this big-boy talk gets thrown out the window when it’s my wife doing the telling and asking and tricking. Because we’ve been married over 20 years. And a man needs to know his obligations.

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Dave Little is a Dallas-based stand-up comedian, writer, musician and actor. He’s funny for Best of Texas twice a month, but he’s funny all the time on his website www.lovedavelittle.com.

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