Texas®

I know I am missing something. Sitting at home. In my chair. Things are happening outside my living room. I could go hear some live music. I know some people, so there’s a good chance that I wouldn’t even have to pay the cover charge. And I don’t drink that much when I’m out so I could probably get a nice buzz going for less than twenty dollars, including tip and gratuity, which is the same thing but if you can’t be redundant in your own column, where can you say the same thing but with different words?

What in the hell is going on? Better yet, what in the hell is not going on? Do you ever get the feeling that there is a party happening that not only are you not invited to but if you discover, through serendipity, where it is, the minute you show up everyone leaves with the excuse that there is no more booze even thought they pass by you with beer in their hands? I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I guess the older I get the less inclined I am to chase the good times. Hey, if fun doesn’t want to be my friend than I am not going to go out of my way to seek it out. That’ll show fun. Sure will. I’ll be the first person to make fun cry. Take that, fun.

There are only so many life changing events. Your birth. Marriage. Your kids. Your death. If you don’t get married, you don’t have to worry about getting a divorce. And you may or may not have kids. I’m not going to judge. So, the two things we all experience is being born and being dead. And try as we might, we can’t explain either one of them. I know there are cases where people are clinically considered dead but come back to life. Hey, they’re not dead. They’re alive with an asterisk. There was a typo on their expiration date. Great, they saw a light. And angels singing. And God paying bills in the corner. I once saw the Easter Bunny ride a unicorn to a pot luck supper given to President Obama by radical tea-partiers. So, there.

Upon further reflection, it’s probably for the best that I spend most of my time, when I’m not performing, at home. In my chair. Whatever I am missing will still be there when Imake it out of the house. And if I happen to run into fun, there may be a fight.

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Dave Little is a Dallas-based stand-up comedian, writer, musician and actor. He’s funny for Best of Texas twice a month, but he’s funny all the time on his website www.lovedavelittle.com.

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